An unfriendly competition

By Sherry Holliman What makes women compete with, compare themselves to, undermine and undercut one another?

Women aren’t just a part of the workforce, they’re shaping it. After years of fighting for the same rights and privileges that men enjoy, women are finally positioned to become the top influencers at work, at home, and in the world.

So what’s the downside?

While women continue to press forward educationally, economically, and professionally, they face a particular challenges helping each other succeed. As women continue to enter and occupy the workforce in large numbers, there are a few skills that need to be developed — and a few habits that must be unlearned.

One interpersonal habit among women that has to go is covert competition.

What is covert competition? Covert competition involves “winning” by indirectly (or directly, in some cases) putting the other person down. Covert competition is a form of indirect aggression, which many women are prone to practice when they feel competitive with other women.

While men may be comfortable competing directly with each other for promotions, raises, and recognition, women have a harder time dealing with these issues. Competition and confidence are encouraged in men but often seen as undesirable traits in women.

Some women have a tendency to bond with other women which can cause complicating factors of competitive feelings to emerge at work. A woman can like her coworker but still feel jealous when the coworker gets promoted. She may admire her colleague’s work ethic, yet feel threatened by that same person’s success.

In response to the growing number of woman-to-woman work relationships, we must recognize and accept the fact that the workforce is a competitive environment, and that today’s professional woman must find a way to direct the competitive feelings and actions of other women, as well as manage her own responses One solution to this behavior is find a way to refrain from covert competition, or simply stated, to “not go there.” That is, if you sense that a woman feels threatened by or competitive with you, do not react to her negative behavior. The natural response when a woman feels attacked is to counterattack. Yet counter attacking leaves both parties caught in a cycle. Counterattacking just perpetuates the power struggle and keeps the covert competition going. To “not go there” requires approaching any covertly competitive situation with another woman at work from a professional, not personal, perspective.

It means that you pause before responding to rude remarks or engaging in sabotaging behavior. Instead of retaliating, take the high road. By addressing the situation professionally, this will also diffuse a personal battle. Still, as we continue to shape the workforce, we need to understand that covert competition is bound to exist in certain situations, as women are competing for a promotion, a raise, an elected office, or recognition at work. The solution to reducing the practice of not behaving unprofessional is to develop a strategy to “not go there” and challenge the situation with reacting professional.

Society should question the judgment about the competition process itself, asking, “Is competition natural for all but only perceived as acceptable for men, or could it be used as a source of fuel that stimulates growth and opportunities for personal development among one’s own feelings?”

Is the competition simply with the other woman or her own personal insecurities?

Sherry Holliman is a concerned citizen of Crittenden County and has some views on a variety of topics that she wants to share with her neighbors. She serves on the Marion City Council.