MARION MOM (cont.)

demanded, while I untied my shoes and patted the baby to encourage her to hold the pacifier.

“Yeah,” she responded.

“Because we do.”

I removed suit #1 from the hanger.

“No, we don’t,” Hipster said. “Not lifeproof cases.

Did you tell her we carry lifeproof iPhone cases in colors?”

“Um…” she started, and I saw a spandex truth in her future, “No, because she didn’t ask about a lifeproof case. And we do carry iPhone cases in colors.”

Y’all, I tried on all eight of those suits, decided on two, left the dressing room, picked out two pairs of denim shorts to try on, and returned to the dressing room, only to find they were still arguing!

He was ticked to deal with an upset customer who had been told the wrong information and trekked up to Target in vain, and she was definitely not going to admit she had done anything wrong. It reminded me of living in my house with two teenage girls.

Anyway, I still cannot believe how differently clothes can fit even when labeled the same size. This is why I hate shopping — it takes forever to find a style I like in a size I like with a fit that flatters my shape.

But I hung in there and came out a winner. I’m just glad I wasn’t looking for any phone cases! So when the day arrived that I was medically cleared for swimming again, I awoke, nursed the baby, and donned my brand new size 14 full-coverage (but still cute) bathing suit and stepped outside to be greeted with unseasonably cool weather.

In the sixties.

Yeah, mid-August. In the Delta. And it’s 67 degrees.

“Well,” I thought, “If I braved the Target dressing room ten days postpartum, I can certainly swim in milder weather.”

So I dressed the baby in her itty-bitty teeeny-tiny swimsuit that was cuter than puppies and kittens playing together and hiked out to the pool.

It was so cold.

The miserably hot weather in June oppressed my third trimester. Now, no longer my own personal sauna, I need a little Delta heat.

August has betrayed me.

Plus, yesterday I saw a winter forecast that predicted “much higher than average snowfall” for this area.

Oh, goody.

I guess I’ll be headed back to Target next month to buy winter underwear, puffy coats, and snow boots for each of my six ambulatory kids so they can enjoy the much-higher-than-average snowfall winter.

Which means, like, four snows. Not exactly money well spent.

I’m just glad maternity didn’t change my shoe size.

Dorothy Wilson lives in Marion with her husband Chris as they enjoy all the adventures their seven children provide.