The More Things Change…

The More Things Change…

It's like a law of nature.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Like the other day-I see that Blue Bell Ice Cream has made it back on the shelves after a virtual tidal wave of health inspectors descended on their manufacturing plants.

Only, the cost is now at eight bucks!

So, is that the new Listeria-free price? Eight dollars?

That should really get the market share up.

It wasn't enough when they were just poisoning people.

Now, they want to bankrupt them as well.

Then, there's Coke.

And the new slogan this year: “Taste the Feeling.”

Wow.

Wish I had thought of that. Must have been the touchy-feely department they got down there in Coke-ville-a collaboration between Josh and Tad on a dark snow day up north in downtown New York City when not much else was going on. Boss probably told them that they had to come up with a slogan in one minute flat or fill a space in the unemployment line.

And that's what they came up with.

I could have come up with something better.

How about, “Feel the Fizz.”

Or, “Caffeinate me, Baby.” Even, “Bring on the Bubbly.”

Whatever.

Oh, then there is Microsoft.

Bro-ther!

I had to talk to the Far-Eastern Indian Department in charge of bringing my computer back to life after I tried to load Windows Ten on it for 2 hours.

What a management opportunity.

I had to talk to people over the telephone who couldn't speak English, even if you threatened to force-feed pork to the Hindus.

I especially enjoyed the chance to be lied to when I pointed out that they made the loading program impossible by demanding passwords when I didn't want one and thereby stonewalling the installation.

Only, the Microsoft installation process won't tell you that… because it's logicaldon't you know?

Logical, but user-unfriendly.

And they don't even warn you about that in the small print that you need bifocals to read.

Also, there was the golden moment when the so-called supervisor who probably hails from Black Hole of Calcutta refused to pass my call on to their boss-you know-someone who actually knows what literally everyone on Planet Earth already realizes: That Windows Ten is to Windows Seven what Turd Ferguson is to Albert Einstein!

But, there is a bright side to the whole incident.

I now know for certain that Americans will have jobs as long as morons like those are employed out there.

Only not at the Microsoft Corporation.

Then, there was a bright ray of sunshine.

One intended for ears of Southerners everywhere.

Washington, D.C., the nation's capital and part of that mass conspiratorial plot known collectively as Yankeeland, was brought to its knees by…are you ready for this…drumroll, please?

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrr.

Seven-tenth's of one inch of ice! That's right… less than one inch of ice.

You heard about it everywhere: on the Laura Ingraham show, the Chris Plante show and all those radio personalities in the area of the capital.

The radio commentators were all broadcasting that the place was grounded… brought to a halt… in complete gridlock and meltdown, drivers cursing like sailors on leave, otherwise sweet old ladies giving other drivers sign language rated Triple XXX.

All held hostage-not by terrorists, but by less than an inch of ice.

And so, all those years of hearing from Northerners about how folks down South can't handle the ice and snow?

That myth has now finally been laid to rest.

It seems that snow plows, sand trucks and salt spreaders were the whole reason that Yankees were able to get away with that deception about being better drivers the whole time.

Less than one inch of ice. Those Northern drivers! Gimme a break!

By Robert L. Hall