‘ Did your doctor prescribe beer?’

‘ Did your doctor prescribe beer?’

Judge Thorne looking for a new personal physician?

news@theeveningtimes.com

After Judge Fred Thorne, in West Memphis District Court, finished giving his speech about how to plead, the first name in jail was called up.

“How do you pled to driving on suspended?”

“No contest.”

“How to you plead to failure to appear?”

“Well, your honor it was like this….”

“Sit down! I didn’t even get to the first person and he didn’t pled to his charge.”

The next person called was asked, “Do you think you are smarter than the last person?”

“I wouldn’t say ‘smarter’,” said the defendant.

“How do you plead to no driver’s license?”

“Guilty.”

“Careless driving?”

“No contest.”

“Leaving the scene of an accident?”

“No contest.”

“You are a brain surgeon compared to the last man.”

“Did you have an accident?”

“I don’t remember.”

“I guess I screwed up saying you were a brain surgeon. $75 plus court costs on the no driver’s license. $65 plus costs on the careless driving and five days jail for leaving the scene.”

A man in jail was charged with failure to comply and pled guilty.

“You were supposed to have gone to anger management back in 2004 and you didn’t go. Why?”

“I lived in Memphis. I just forgot to come back.”

“How did you get picked up this time?”

“I was on Mayberry Street.” “Where do you live now?”

“Memphis. My girlfriend lives on Mayberry.”

“Go to jail for 12 days. That is one day for each year it has been since the original ticket.”

A man in jail was charged with loitering and obstruction of justice. He pled no contest to both charges.

“What were you doing out on the street at 3:30 a.m.?”

“I was being dropped off from Memphis.”

“You gave the wrong address where your grandmother lived? Do you work?”

“Yes, at Walmart.”

“Which Walmart?”

“West Memphis.”

“How long?”

“Three months.”

“Nothing good happens at 3:30 a.m. $250 plus court costs on the obstruction. I’ll merge the loitering in with that.”

A man in jail charged with 3rd degree battery pled no contest.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m on probation and I’m not doing anything.”

“This report says you hit the other guy in the back. Why’d you do that?”

“I was on crutches at the time.”

“Change his plea to not guilty. We will have a trial on that on August 2nd.”

A woman in jail was charged with theft and pled no contest.

“Where do you live?”

“San Antonio. I came here to help my daughter get back on her feet.”

“The report says you put stuff in a leopard print bag. How is stealing helping your daughter.”

“I had no money. I spend it all on her.”

“$500 plus 30 days jail. You won’t need any money there. They will feed you.”

A man charged with fleeing and criminal trespass pled guilty to both charges.

“You had a loitering charge in 2001. You had a driving on suspended in 2002. You had a PI in 2006. Loitering in 2006. Drug paraphernalia in 2006 and much more,” read on and on by Judge Thorne. “I’ll dismiss the fleeing and you get $500 plus court costs and 90 days on the criminal trespass.”

A man in jail pled “nolo” to public intoxication charges.

“What?”

“I mean no contest.”

“This man just gave himself away that he knew a lot about the court system pleading ‘nolo.’ What have yo got to tell me about drinking beer on 14th Street?”

“I had been to the doctor all day.”

“Did your doctor prescribe beer? I think I’ll go to him.”

“I got a pacemaker.”

“Were you drinking a 32 ounce?”

“I hadn’t drunk half of it. I was just standing in the neighbors yard and here come the Feds and here come the police. They was doing a secret indictment or a drug bust. I was talking to two old ladies.”

“If you call women ‘old ladies’ again I’m sending you to jail,” said Judge Thorne. “Jail, let him out at 5 o’clock, before the liquor store closes.” To the galley, Judge Thorne said, “I’ll teach you something. When they do a secret indictment, they have a confidential informant and don’t arrest them the first time. They wait to be sure and get plenty of evidence before the arrest.”

The next man in jail was charged with driving on suspended and pled guilty.

“How long have you been out of prison?”

“Six-and-one-half years. I guess I need to get a bicycle.”

“He also has another charge,” said the court clerk. “How do you plead to following too close?”

“Guilty.”

“And failure to appear?”

“No contest.”

“$55 plus court costs on the following too close. $105 plus court costs on the failure to appear. $650 plus court costs on the driving on suspended. 15 days house arrest or would you rather have 15 days jail?”

“I’ll take the house arrest.”

“If you had said you would take the jail time everyone here would have thought you were crazy.”

A man in jail pled guilty to speeding, driving on suspended and failure to appear. “Is that the 2010 charge or the recent one?” he asked.

“Go talk to the public defender. Since you were honest with me you can do that,” said Judge Thorne.

A man in the courtroom pled not guilty to his charge of no proof of insurance and guilty to a seatbelt charge.

“$25 plus court costs on the seatbelt. I’ll see you at your court date on the no proof of insurance charge. He tried to show his insurance papers.

“How many of you in the courtroom think he pled wrong? 90% of the people here said you pled wrong but it is too late now. I’ll see you at your court date.”

By the Times News Staff