Workout Program

Workout Program

That's right… this is strictly an article of pure fiction. Mainly because I do not have a workout program. Don't need one. I get a big enough workout just getting around at my age. So you are asking, “How do you know you've done enough of a workout during the day?”

Well, there's the arthritis flare-up in my hands, my sore feet, and aching back.

Who needs a workout?

That's why, this year, there is no New Year resolution in my future.

I read my stars, and it just wasn't there.

There just isn't any moral imperative on my part to be leaner, meaner or smarter.

If the leaner part comes about… fine. I recall in the Bible that we should pay more attention to what goes into our hearts than our mouths anyway.

The meaner part… I got that down already.

My other half already tells me that I have to ACT nice, because I can't BE nice, don't you know?

Wh-a-a-a-t?

And the smarter part?

I don't wanna.

If I were smarter, I would know what people are REALLY thinking or what makes things tick behind the scenes. And since most of that stuff is petty, small, self-serving and pernicious… perhaps it is better that I NOT know.

Ignorance is bliss in that case.

I have a clue anyway what goes on around town. That's enough for me. I'm suspicious enough to get around to figuring out what's going on… eventually.

In the meanwhile, let me live in denial. I'm happier that way.

And after all, isn't that the main thing?

That was a joke.

But, the real reason I don't have a resolution this year is because that means change, and change means using up energy-energy which I could use for other things: Like making it to work on time, going to the store, washing the dog, or attacking the next item on my wife's 'Honey-Do' list.

Like that.

Now, I'm not like most folks in seeing change necessarily as a BAD thing. I appreciate change; like a raise in my salary-that would be a change, wouldn't it? Anything new to replace the old that is either broke, breaking or about to break… which pretty much describes everything I own. Or a change in the weather. I'm looking out the window now at the bare trees, rain and gray haze as far the eye can see.

Bleaksville.

How about a change in that?

Just asking.

You know, there's good change and bad change.

So, like if I starting working out for real and sprained my back…it COULD happen!

You have to be on your guard all the time.

Or if I went on a diet and got a B1 vitamin deficiency and developed Beriberi?

Crazier things have happened!

And I've only got ONE body… have to look out for it.

Right?

And the smarter part?

There's the drug that is peddled on the commercials that is supposed to support better brain function… or so they say. The elderly have fallen for it in droves and are buying it up like the drug was taken directly from the Fountain of Youth or something.

Now, the government has stepped in and is demanding they stop selling the drug with those claims being advertised to the public.

I never bought it… not one dose of it… zip… nada…. zero.

At least I was THAT smart.

And that's smart enough for me.

Yeah.

It's not like I'm wiring certified checks to the King of Nigeria, so he can pay for his bail bond and get out of jail and take the fight to the Communists and Muslim Jihadists who are responsible for an uprising in his country, trying to remove him from his legitimate claim to the Presidency.

He can't help it if his funds are all tied up in a Swiss bank at the moment.

Can he? Huh?

Gotta help a brother.

Like that.

And, anyway, I'm pretty satisfied with the way things are going.

After all, I got a lot of years invested in myself and I have to look out for that investment. It isn't like I woke up yesterday, blinking my eyes in a whole new world.

Dementia has not quite set in yet.

And I can still appreciate the finer things in life. Like living and doing the run-ofthe- mill activities that crop up from time to time. And there's reading something good, having pets around, enjoying the company of friends and family.

That's enough of a daily workout for moi.

That's French: “Moi” means “me.”

And, no… I'm not making a New Year's resolution to learn French this year

By Robert L. Hall