I don’t remember it being this much before…

I don’t remember it being this much before…

I'm talking about the elections that are going on now, and I know that today we have so many ways of getting our news, whatever that news might be.

There is so much talk about elections, and I was reading my Bible, and that got me thinking about what if today, with our society the way that it is, and America sliding down a hill on the road to Hell itself, just what we are willing to let take place without any afterthought? How would a race for the leader of America be if it were between Jesus and Satan?

Now let me set the rules and regulations. I hear so much about delegates and super-delegates — some are bound some are unbounded — and there are primaries and caucuses, and then there is the convention… I thought I knew a little about elections, but this time they proved that wrong.

Now let's get on to the promises of the two candidates! Now the new accepted rules state that whatever their life has been throughout history from the first man they must stay in that vein of thinking and talking, so if one says he died on a cross then his campaign must have that type of theme through the whole election cycle, and if one has never been a worse liar and destroyer of mankind in history then he has to stay with that theme. So, now we know the rules.

Ok, now it's time to put together a committee for each one and the committee for Jesus is made up of some volunteers that call themselves angels, and although the race has not started yet, these angels seem to be so happy and they sing a lot and they seem to constantly praise their candidate. This tells me that they believe in him totally and they are behind their candidate 100 percent. And there is also one of their committee members that shines more that the others and I heard Jesus refer to him as the Holy Spirit, so from the looks of it he is the go-to person if you decide to vote for this man, Jesus.

Now for the other candidate, his committee is made up of some very ugly, drooling things that call themselves demons. They’ve got a dark burnt look to them, and one thing that I noticed right away was they look so sad, and they act like that they sure don't like their candidate. In fact, I would call it pure hate, and they seemed to be very scared of him.

Now we will read the statements that come out of the Jesus headquarters. And let me say this statement was written by Jesus himself, and it can never be revised or changed… and also Jesus said he will never use a teleprompter because everything that he says comes from his heart.

Now his statement explains that many years ago when he made man, he had such love for him because he says he was made in his Father’s image. But as time moved along, man decided he didn't like the way things were, so he did some things that were not permissible, so it started a movement down a road. Man showed he didn't care whether Jesus liked it or not, because he felt he wanted to be in control of his life. If you want to read the whole statement, his Father inspired a book to be written that you can get almost anywhere and the name of this book is The Holy Bible.

Part of the statement from Jesus was even with him going to a cross to die for something that he was not guilty of but had to do it if he wanted to provide a way for man to escape his fathers judgment and so most of what he want,s to say is if you will pull the Jesus lever and accept me as your leader then I will give you a way out and a place to live in total peace for all eternity. In closing I just want to say when you go into the booth to vote pull the lever for Jesus and I promise you will never be sorry.

Now for the statement from Satan and it goes like this: My fellow Americans, and all the others that might be here illegal, don't pay any attention to what that Jesus guy is saying, because if you vote for him, you will be sorry. Because his way of thinking is too restrictive and he will try using this guy that he calls the Holy Spirit to keep you from doing the things that your heart tells you that you want to do.

And another thing: If you will vote for me, I will work hard my first year in office to triple the abortions in this place that you call America so that you will be free from being tied down with a child to raise, because this happened while you were out drinking and partying and having a good time, so it really wasn't your fault. And also, I will provide everyone porn of all kinds, even children, that you could ever want, and I will do it all the time and anywhere, even on your cell phones. That way, you can always have it with you when you have that desire to look at it. And I will see that you will have drugs of every kind and all you have to do is ask for them, and as I always do, I will encourage you to do so.

If you vote for me, I will provide all the alcohol that you could ever hope for and it will be free also. Don't forget perverted sex, because I will make sure that there is plenty of that. But most of all, you will get to live any way you want to, and this includes marrying anyone or as many as you want to at the same time. Under my administration, the only thing that I get in return for your vote is for you to come and live with me forever when you die.

Now the voting will be done in secret and there won’t be any pre-poll announcements made until the next day, and then and only then the winner will be known. OK, here we are the day after the election and we rush out to buy a paper to see who won and across the top of the front page in big letters the headlines read “SATAN WINS IN LANDSLIDE VITCORY!” And on into the article, it reads with the help of a lot of regular church going people, Satan carried every state and there were several million that stayed home and didn’t vote because they didn't want to choose. But if you were one of those, then you voted for Satan whether you meant to or not, so there is rejoicing in the streets across this land that we used to call God's America.

Remember this: Now that I have won, I promise America today, then the rest of the world tomorrow, and with most of the world, I’ve already got a good start. Now I know that this is just a contest that I brought about in my mind but in reality this is an election that goes on in your life everyday so you will make up your mind one way or the other because with Jesus there is no fence straddling so now the ball is in your court do you shoot or just hold the ball until the end.

May God bless every one of you and your love ones and my prayer is you will pull the lever for Jesus but above everything else remember it's a personal thing and you are the only one that will have to answer for your decision on who ever you vote for.

Bill McFerrin is a West Memphis resident with some things to say and a certain way of saying them.

By Bill McFerrin Local Commentary