Skip the Drama

Skip the Drama

So they're going to close the old bridge across the Mississippi River?

Okay.

Now we know.

The question is not who, what, when, where, why or how the bridge will shut down. The question is, “What are you going to do about it?”

I did something about it, without going through all the angst and drama of waiting until they drop the hammer on me before doing something about it.

I made a decision that won't involve traversing that bridge or Malfunction Junction twice daily. No more jackknived tractor/trailers across all lanes of the bridge, or 55gallon drums rolling down the interstate toward my car's grill, or passing cars parked sideways in the middle of the highway with the lights off. No furniture in the center lane, or flying car parts from collisions just feet ahead of me, crazies sliding on ice and snow, tailgating, cutting me off, or other suicidal antics with moving vehicles in Memphis traffic.

Those things are simply not in my future anymore.

Whoops! There goes the drama.

And I've taken a solemn vow to skip the drama in other areas of my life as well, as I'm on a tear to solve the same old problems that keep popping up again and again with newer solutions-ones that are relatively free of drama.

I think all this started when a fella showed me how to scotch my board fence instead of going out and buying super-expensive new boards every time one fell apart.

I piece some together-with screw instead of nails-much sturdier, and they look fine if you repair them at the damaged ends, which is where 90% of the damage occurs anyway. If you paint over them, you can't even tell they have been repaired instead of entirely replaced. And it is a whole lot cheaper.

And not being a natural with tools or repairs, it came as a revelation to melike the Revelation in the Bible, only not as bright.

And just in time.

For poison oak is coming out again this Spring.

I spent a large part of last Spring at the clinic being treated for the itching, oozing, nightmare of catching it because I was uninformed enough to think I could invade it's realm unharmed.

Hoo-hoo.

I still have tell-tale scarring on my wrists from that misadventure.

Not this year. No, Sirree, Bob.

I've done my research, and there will be no repeat of same. No second verse-the same as the first.

And I was no fan of the first.

After watching YouTube videos until the wee hours of the morning, I am a wiser, and I trust am more well-positioned to take it on this year, with a minimum of potential calamity.

You want more drama I could do without?

How about wasps, fire ants or fleas on the family pet?

No more Mr. Nice Guy, I'll tell you that.

At the first hint of pests I will invest heavily in the chemical weapons of mass destruction on the shelves at the hardware store and go to war.

Insects know my name and they tremble!

Then there's my car.

Last year, someone at the garage where I USED to take my car for repairs made the grave mistake of responding to my service request for my car by saying, “No.”

Not an option. Not when I'm the one paying the bill.

So, I found another garage to fix my car just as well, but cheaper.

Because, after an intensive shopping expedition last year, I found a large garage with great diagnosis machinery and reputation for stable and reliable service to do the work.

A year spent looking! But, well worth it.

And when I ask about servicing my car to my satisfaction, they do not respond with a 'No.”

They respond with a “How soon came you have it here?”

I like.

And my allergies.

Spring has already brought them out.

After consultation with the crowned heads of similar sufferers, I believe I have come up with a formula for fighting back this year, as never before.

Aaaannnnd, pay less for over-the-counter medications than the name-brand mega-buck rip-offs go for.

That's what I said… I mean, wrote… err… am writing.

Whatever.

I have some generics for cough medicine, decongestants and nasal sprays that any hypochondriac would give their right arm for.

Except that a hypochondriac wouldn't give their right arm for it, precisely because they are a hypochondriac…because they would not want to put up with the pain, you see? Also, they don't REAL-LY want to hurt… they just want you to THINK they are hurting. And they also wouldn't appreciate a cure…because they don't think they EVER WILL BE cured, regardless what medication they are taking… that's because they are a hypochondriacs, don't you see? So, for them it really is not much of a deal. A-hem. I think I'm beating a dead horse here, so I'll wrap it up.

Try something different this time around, why don't you?

Don't wait until you fall prey to the same 'ol drama.

Be proactive and head it off at the pass.

It was good enough for John Wayne when he fought the bad guys.

It's good enough for you.

By Robert L. Hall