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Words, Words, Words

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Words, Words, Words

I work in an office that prides itself for cuttingedge technologies, progressive thinking and business acumen.

So, please explain to me why the conversations between these so-called professionals, these young Turks, these fair-haired and diploma-holding business execs are all stuck in the rut on their improper use of the English language.

I hear the open-speaker phone calls from corporate and they are all sprinkled with the same over-used adages, tired clichés and buzz words ad infinitum, until it makes me want to scream.

Worse yet, our managers get off those same phone calls and use those words and phrases on us in turn.

They say it flows downstream, don't they?

Believe me, it does.

For instance, how many times will I be subjected to the phrase in the middle of some point or other being made, that goes: “…having said that…” Well, first, it makes me scratch my ear.

“Did he or she actually say that?” I think.

I mean, why call attention to the fact that you already said that if you did say that?

I guess it's to point out a second time that you said it. I know you wouldn't say it if you didn't say it, would you?

Would you say, “…having said that, which I did just now…” and continue on?

I don't know why anyone would.

Maybe the person who said it initially thinks everyone in the office allof- a-sudden went deaf in the middle of the statement being made?

Or are you just talking to yourself and reminding yourself about the same point again, like maybe you mean, “…having said that, which I think I did just say that…?”

Perhaps you think you were speaking, but while you were speaking you suspected that all about you fell into a wormhole into the 7th Dimension, then winked back out of it in time to hear you finish your point. Like, maybe they might have missed the part in the middle of your presentation?

Or maybe you have Deficit Syndrome of Schizophrenia, (for which you should be taking medication- by the way) and you were the one who left the planet for a short trip?

I dunno.

Then there's another phrase that is used-to-death and makes my head explode.

Perhaps you've heard it?

“…now, going forward…” Wow, we're all going forward!

Not backwards — or as they say Down South — “Back'ards.”

That's a good thing, I guess?

So, like why would you say it?

Does the speaker of such jargon think maybe they are the only one going forward and the rest of us are in a time capsule, going in the other direction?

Shades of H.G. Wells and “The Time Machine.”

Which begs the question… “Aren't we ALL GOING FORWARD?”

Maybe I'm the wrong one here.

Maybe we're all going sideways?

Reminds me of the old donut commercial where the baker is running so fast that he meets himself at the door of the donut shop and asks his other self: “I'm making the donuts,” whereupon the other image of himself responds in turn, “No, I've just made the donuts.”

But, we're all going forward, I bet'cha! I think I would lay money on it.

So, why say it?

If you are presenting a change of policy, wouldn't you say instead of “…now, going forward…” something like, “…we're changing our policy…” because that's really what you are probably trying to say.

I suppose the reason that the shiny new management robots don't say that is that they think it is sportier and sexier to say instead, “…now, going forward…” because that's what their superiors said to them and somehow, it is expected of them to fly the same flag?

It's like the word, “Conversate.”

Which, by the way, is not a word: Not now, not in the past, and most probably not in the future.

No one conversates, like no one eat-erates, or hearerates, or smell-erates.

They converse.

And I don't give a hoot if the word IS in the Urban dictionary.

This is precisely the reason folks in the office ask me if a word is a word before they put it in a document, or they ask me the definition, or they ask me to spell it.

By the way, I don't spell imaginary words.

Like I don't tap dance or wear funny hats.

Reminds me of the time a customer visiting the office said, “I have to rotiss-erate that idea in my mind before I make a decision.”

I don't even want to go there.

Robert L. Hall

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